


Please Get Your Handcuffs Out Of My Face

by TheTartWitch



Category: D. Gray-man
Genre: Bizarre Interrogation Methods, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mentions of intoxication, Probably not as funny as i think it is, Such crack like you wouldn't believe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-23 08:06:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4869464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTartWitch/pseuds/TheTartWitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompted by Soras. Inappropriate Cop Tyki attempting to sexually harass Lavi whilst interrogating him. Though I think I made it more ridiculous than they intended. There's a reason I don't write smut, everyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Get Your Handcuffs Out Of My Face

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Soras](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soras/gifts).



“I don’t understand why I’m here.” Lavi sniffed, face sharp and defensive. Perhaps it was to be expected; he was in a police station, after all.

Tyki leaned across the table. “Didn’t you hear? This is an interrogation!” He sounded indignant. Kanda leaned his face on his palm and rolled his eyes. Unlike _some_ weirdos, he had actual paperwork to do.

Lavi stared at Tyki. “And _why_ am I being interrogated? I don’t remember doing anything against the law.”

“Oh, really!” Tyki crowed. Kanda’s head would have thunked against the table, but that might have frightened the witness. Instead, he reached under the table and pinched Tyki’s thigh. “Ouch! Alright, alright, focusing.”

Lavi watched them suspiciously. One eyebrow was raised. Kanda rubbed a hand across his nose and said, “Where were you the night of September 25?”

Lavi was distracted for a moment; Tyki had begun to make caterpillar eyebrows at him, and Lavi looked a little startled, as though this wasn’t exactly what he’d expected. “U-um…” Kanda sighed and smacked Tyki upside the head. “Sorry, I was at Allen Walker’s party until 3 in the morning. I remember because I had to take my friend home, and she threw up on my watch. It’s totally broken now. Why?”

“What were you drinking, at this party?” Tyki interrupted. Kanda’s head actually did hit the table this time, and Lavi jumped from the sound. “Um, vodka? And maybe some wine. I don’t know, I wasn’t in charge of the drinks that night. Some guy brought a ton of crap over as a favor to Allen or something.” He jumped. “Um, your foot is kinda -?”

Tyki leered.

“That’s enough;” Kanda growled, “Mr. Bookman, I apologize for this idiot and I’ll be right back with someone sane.” He grabbed Tyki by the ear and hauled him out. Tyki began trying to throw pieces of paper with his phone number on them at Lavi, who sat there looking supremely confused.

“Um, okay?”

**Author's Note:**

> Tyki is smooth.


End file.
